|
|
 Executive Editor / Founder Chris Uzal
All Contributors Melissa Lee
Tony Deans
Melanie Mabrey
Francesca Asher
Victoria Crawford
Phil Thomas
RIP, 1981-2003
Katrine Narkiewicz
Andrew Asher
Dave Slonim
Noah Uzal
Jennifer D. Shih
G. Rida Damu
S Mohammad Ali Karim
Patrick Sowers
Ramón Termes
Alex Padalka
Fidel Watlington
Naomi Mullins
Brian Wingfield
S.T. McIntyre
Jonathan Howes
K.T. Cappellini
Arthur Jones
Submit an article: Email:  Mission Statement Background/History Tech Design Foundation |
Early St Valentine's for Trade Sweethearts St Valentine's Day heralds the dusting off of the 2004 media almanac. It is one of those cutey-pie topics that solicits cheesy headlines and clichés aplenty. Basically it's just another way of distracting the masses from the important issues. At Cyberista we figure what the hell - if you can't beat 'em, at least beat 'em at their own game. So here goes!... St Valentine's Day has come early this year for trade sweethearts Australia and the United States of America. After three exhaustive weeks of sweaty palms at talks hosted by Elvis, US officials suggested a date at the local cinema. Aussie officials blinked and said yes. Although they are yet to see the Lord of The Rings trilogy, it is an omen that augurs well for any marriage of convenience. The Age reckons that the bleak, freezing Red River Valley is as much home to the sugar industry as, say, Florida. But the area not only has 280,000 hectares under cultivation but some of the most important senators and congressmen in Washington. And some really impressive cinemas! Aussie farmers are already squealing in the back stalls complaining that not only has the US stolen a kiss but also it tried to stick its tongue down their throat. Munching over 7-11 donuts sent express by Elvis, Australian Prime Minister John Howard claimed yesterday that "Nothing is perfect in this world", whilst admitting: "This is not a perfect agreement, but it's the best we could get in current circumstances." Editorial time out: ok so you got this far. You've slogged through all the self-important, clever stuff and now you're ready for some analysis. Something objective that helps inform you. Whether an Australian or American reader, you want incisive insight from this piece to help make up your mind as to the value of a free-trade agreement between Australia and the USA for their respective citizens. Leader the Australian Labour Party and Federal Opposition, Mr Mark Latham claimed: "Quite frankly, our farmers have been dudded. Based on what we know at this stage, the deal doesn't appear to be in Australia's national interests. This is not a free trade agreement at all." He then rang the local cinema and asked if they could send in someone to protect his farmers from their amorous date. Although the Aussie farmers had their mobile switched on, signals were jammed after the cinema screened Enemy of The State, followed by a Meet The Film-Maker Q & A session in which former top weapons hunter David Kay, disguised as Gene Hackman, gave away tips and tricks on hunting for WMD's. The Age noted: The fine details in the agreement's text will not be available for another month or more. It will then be put before the US Senate. If ratified, the US Senate will then send the agreement to The Chapel of The Coalition of The Willing in Las Vegas where all parties - in front of a beaming Elvis - will sign it. It will then be given to best man Donald Rumsfeld for safe keeping only to be lost forever along with all evidence of weapons of mass destruction and secret arms deals in the 80's with Iran. Final Editorial time out: Your quest for incisive objective reportage begins here. Good luck! News link: The Age, Barriers go in historic trade pact. 10th February, 2004
Hello Houston? We Have A Wardrobe Malfunction Despite the focus on fluffy war issues of late, luckily for us another hardcore celebrity incident during yesterday's Superbowl has deflected the world's attention from one of the most amazing finishes in the history of the game. As reported by Nekesa Mumbi Moody (we kid you not), Jackson may have "sparked a federal investigation and set new standards for raunch in an entertainment industry that seems to be setting new highs - or lows - every day". Always on the lookout to gazump any half decent cockamamie hunt for reds-under-the-bed, we will be submitting the following to any U.S. tax-payer funded investigation of the incident.
We, your humble Editors, do humbly submit that: Jackson callously used an unwitting Timberlake to wit,
Also stepping out of the closet this week was former Supermodel, Rachel Hunter, who will be posing for Playboy. A friend revealed, "She will be going topless but refuses to be completely nude". Sounds like another wardrobe malfunction to us. NEWS LINK: A storm in a c-cup? Full report by Nekesa Mumbi Moody Kazakhstan - Janet Jackson style Rachel Hunter's $1.8 Million Playboy Deal $A lower after rising ratings of Jackson breast
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
